waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
