what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
