And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
