The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize