At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
