So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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