Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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