it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You're like the curious george of whores
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
