Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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