Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
