i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
