Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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