I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
