So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
