How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
