well you can't waste a boner
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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