can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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