Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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