What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
