I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Drake has all the answers
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
