Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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