Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
