he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's rum buckets o'clock
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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