alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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