Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
