Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
