I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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