if only i could text you this smell
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
