woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
