where am i from again
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
