she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize