If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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