how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
