I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
