I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
