Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
