If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
