Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
