But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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