I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize