Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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