Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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