i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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