ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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