haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
