so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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