Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(710): View more from

Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!

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(415): View more from California

I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now

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(925): View more from California

Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard

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(816): View more from Missouri

I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible

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(217): View more from Illinois

I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is

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