eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize