I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
