Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
