OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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