Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
