Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
