he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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