i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
