I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
