: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
