Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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