Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
