this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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