we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
