New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
