its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
