I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
