i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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