Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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