Define "chronic" masturbator.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
