It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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