wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
